Nicolas Hamilton burst into tears in front of his computer screen while sitting in a dirty room, unwashed and eating a Pot Noodle.
The 32-year-old, the half-brother of seven-time Formula One world champion Lewis, had squandered thousands of dollars on gambling over a six-month period and spiraled into a profound melancholy that brought him close to suicide.
What began as a £2 bet on Arsenal’s score became into a “all-consuming” addiction to online casinos and blackjack, causing him to hardly leave his apartment in 2017.
Nicolas, who has cerebral palsy, made history two years ago by becoming the first disabled driver to compete against able-bodied racers in the British Touring Car Championship.
He was forced to sell his “pride and joy,” a midnight blue Mercedes C63 given to him by Lewis, to pay a large tax bill that he couldn’t afford due to his gambling and “naivety” about money.
Nicolas discusses that difficult period in his memoir Now That I Have Your Attention, which brought him dangerously close to suicide.He wrote, “I felt so ashamed for using this incredible gift to pay my tax bill.”
“It felt like I had essentially stolen the money from my brother, and I’ve never forgiven myself for it.
“It ruined me. I received a genuine wake-up call. I had no means to move forward because I had lost everything.
“I was stuck. I had a balcony in my flat and was wondering what I would do if I jumped over it.”Nicolas’ difficulties began three years into Lewis’ racing career with Mercedes, in 2017, when he was earning £24 million per year – excluding sponsorships and endorsements.
Nonetheless, he felt unwilling to confide in his half-brother or his parents and relied on daily calls to Samaritans throughout a difficult two-week period.
Nicolas has since overcome his addiction, including going on a recent vacation to Las Vegas casinos without having a flutter, and says he is grateful that “gambling is no longer an issue”.
Recalling his tough times, he told The Times: “I wanted more of the winnings – and losing didn’t stop me. It simply put me in a cycle.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I just wanted to get back to my computer. The entire day would go quite smoothly.
“I could tell there was a problem, but I was too deep in. I was afraid to stop. I’d lost so much money that I felt like if I stopped, I’d fall into a hole from which I couldn’t get out.”
Nicolas claims that after telling his parents everything, they were “supportive” and “felt sorry for me”.
He’s never told Lewis about selling the Mercedes, which was purchased for him as a surprise 24th birthday present.
“Lewis spurred me on.”
Nicolas has faced numerous challenges during his life, including overcoming his gambling addiction.
He was born two months prematurely in 1992 and spent the first six weeks in intensive care fighting for his life.
Nicolas was diagnosed with spastic diplegia at the age of 18 months, a condition that impairs his balance and muscle mobility in his lower body. Doctors projected that he’d never be able to walk or run.
“Even at my most vulnerable moment, when I was in the midst of experiencing the scariest, closest-to-death moment of my life, people will still compare me with him” – Nicolas Hamilton, author of the book
Because of his disability, he spent the most of his adolescence in a wheelchair, which led to bullying from classmates.
He recalls them imitating him as he was walking with mobility aids and attempting to tip him over in his wheelchair.
Nicolas, a disabled boy and the only person of color at his school, stated to The Independent, “I didn’t have a voice or a purpose in school. Kids didn’t want to be my friends.” I was being dragged back in my wheelchair and unable to fend for myself.”
Growing up, he had a good bond with Lewis, saying they “were super close,” and recalls his sibling encouraging him to participate in sports.
Nicolas explained: “We used to go outside and play basketball. He didn’t treat me any differently, so we’d continue to race, and I’d plainly lose.
“It never bothered me. It actually motivated me to either run faster or become more mobile. I don’t believe that was his intention, but it was the impact he made on me.”
Similarly, his parents encouraged resilience in him, instructing him to “brush yourself off” after falling while walking and encouraging him to be self-sufficient and strong.
Legs ‘like mush’.
Nicolas’ life changed permanently when he was 16 years old, thanks to a harsh incident in 2008 that inspired him to strive even harder than before in order to no longer use his wheelchair.
He was traveling abroad with his mother to watch Lewis compete in a race when a woman at an airport check-in counter refused to acknowledge him directly and instead spoke to his mother.
“She just asked my mum if I needed assistance or help,” Nicolas said in an interview with The Independent last year.
“Lewis has never put a penny into my motorsport”
– Nicolas
“I had all of the hormones of a teenager yearning to be a man. I was developing a beard. I wanted to talk with girls and go to the pub.
“But I had become lazy, and I was in a wheelchair because it was more convenient for me. It was tiring to wander around.
“Able-bodied folks were not looking at me in the way I desired to be regarded. That’s when I got out of my wheelchair. And I haven’t been back.”
Nicolas began frequent strength training and physiotherapy to help him walk, despite the fact that it caused neck, back, pelvic, and muscular discomfort, and claims that his legs “were like mush” previously.
He told The Times that pain would always be a part of his day. I don’t accept anything for it. I learn to cope with it.”
‘Bankrolled’ Fury
Nicolas was pushed to pursue racing at the age of 18 by his brother, who noticed he was “good on a simulator” and “planted the seed in my mind”.
In 2011, he made his racing debut in a modified Renault Clio Cup, and four years later, he became the first disabled driver to race in the British Touring Car Championship.
Despite his personal achievements, Nicolas has frequently been compared to his famous brother, including a near-fatal collision in 2011 at the Thruxton Circuit in Hampshire when he collided with a tyre barrier at 100mph.
While being taken out of the car, which was smoking from the bonnet and engine, he recalls a marshal saying to him, “Oh dear, Lewis isn’t going to be impressed with this, is he?”
Nicolas, who said it was “the most insensitive comment” , went on to say: “Even at my most vulnerable moment, when I was in the midst of experiencing the scariest, closest-to-death moment of my life, people will still compare me with him.”
“It has been incredibly hard being connected to Lewis and having to carve out my own career in motorsport” – Nicolas
Nicolas scored his highest finish to date in April last year, sixth place in a BTCC race at Donnington Park, which served to silence detractors who claimed he was merely driving for his famous brother.
“To come across the line with that result, after everything I’ve been through – best day of my life,” he went on to say.
“To finally silence the skeptics on April 23 was the best thing I could possibly hope for.
It was a huge relief and took a lot of pressure off my shoulders.”
Nicolas has suffered nepotism comments, online trolling, and bullying throughout his racing career because people believe his famous sibling assisted him financially or with connections.
Last year, he confidently declared, “
Lewis has never put a penny into my motorsport.” He has since addressed this in his memoir.
He went on to say: “I know pretty much everyone presumes that Lewis bankrolls me in my motorsport career, that he pays for everything and provides endless opportunities because of his wealth and success in the sport, but it’s just not true; it is also something that I would never want or accept.”
Nicolas explained that his father, Anthony, financially sponsored his first season as a driver, but he has subsequently had to find the finances on his own.
To accomplish this, the 32-year-old has embarked on a variety of occupations, including working for racing video game firms, where he can spend up to eight hours analyzing virtual automobiles.
Nicolas is also a public speaker, having worked for nine different UK agencies, as well as a one-time ambassador for MGM at last year’s Las Vegas Grand Prix.
He is still passionate about racing and aspires to race again after leaving Team Hard last year; however, he must first raise the necessary funds.
Nicolas went on to say: “I’d love to be back on the grid and I think I deserve to be but I’ve got to find half a million pounds.”
Despite being likened to his F1 racing champion brother, whom he describes as “hard”, there is no sibling rivalry.
Instead, Nicolas credits Lewis, whom he sees as “the best human being to ever sit behind the steering wheel of a car,” for helping to shape him into the man he is now.
Nicolas says, “He’s still a huge reason why I’m as strong as I am and why I’m no longer in a wheelchair.” I’m still his number one fan…”But it has been really hard being related to Lewis and trying to carve my own career in motorsport.”